A little dictionary :
Over time my friends and I developed our own vocabulary in French, trying to invent word to describe some typical Russian phenomenon we couldn’t find any appropriate words for, in our own language…
Below listed for the record, because they’re funny and because I actually don’t want to forget them.
PHANTOM : a Russian person, speaking only Russian, with whom you don’t share any common interests but you merely « use » for a free Russian lesson over a drink or dinner. My friend with the scar scores higher than anyone else on the phantom-o-meter ! 250 phone numbers he claims … personally I abandoned very soon this strategy to learn Russian because silences where longer than the moments we actually spoke!
The worst is being treated like a phantom…my friend talking to me in Russian ! The appropriate answer, in a very offended tone would be: « Hey! I’m not your phantom! »
SEQUOIA : skinny & long legged – tanned – blond girl ; expression generally reduced to a slight smirk, pretending to listen to her girlfriends but checking the room with a trained radar…you got the picture : female population in any muscovite club is composed up to 90% by sequoias !
Now you would say sequoias grow everywhere…well, Russian have some characteristics: they have a special attraction for foreigners, especially loaded foreigners – why not Russian men? - “Oh, Russian men! Zey are all drunks”. “Zey ‘as no monnay”. “Zey ‘as no clue about ze gee spot”. And so on…
Funny enough they will refuse any invitation at first or play shy but since men hardly take no for an answer in this part of the world, the date is set! As a rule they will renew their wardrobe, visit new cities where no visa is needed (typically Istanbul, Cairo or Goa) and might ask for the covering of a new surgical operation. Next level: car and apartment. If he still shows interest he’s good to marry. Point of the downfall sets in…I don’t have the statistics in mind but marriage is a formality that doesn’t last. At the latest after the birth of the first child, sequoia files for divorce.
HOLD UP: the use of this word is purely metaphorical…and invented by my two fellows from Geneva. I suppose this expression sprang out of their imagination when facing another inexplicable phenomenon we’ve encountered many times on the muscovite streets: the bombshell holding hands with the most hideous man possible. That’s a hold up!
LA FEMME A BARBE (the women with a beard)… We supposed everybody had a shower in their homes and would profit from its benefits. We thought that in a world where women consume as much cosmetics as men burn gas; the women growing a beard, fairground animation in the 1900, were banished!
When “my friend with a scar” sat one evening in the tube in front of such a rare phenomenon he just couldn’t help himself but try hard to avoid her look and refrain from laughing. Pretending to type a message on his cell phone, he was trying to document his finding.
Obviously my dear friend wasn’t quiet neither discreet at it and soon a tall vicking grabbed him and kicked him out at the next stop…
La femme a barbe became for us the short word for: “we live in Russia and still a lot of things here are amazing and unexplainable”!
PATAMOUCHTAAAA: the nickname given to my Friend with the scar. He speaks very well Russian, the only problem this lover of the Russian language has, is that he hasn’t got any language feeling or musical ear at all….He speaks Russian but we can't help laughing at him for his persistent and singular accent. Patamouchta means "because" in Russian. My friends uses this word every 20 second and it sounds like the French: Pâtes de mouche (fly legs)!
